Inner Voice Of A Trapped sOuL

My 2c-worth of things happenin' ard the world and me...

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

My BEST partner

This post is dedicated to Ah Siew:

Ah Siew walked over casually & said, ‘Ah boy, u want to play Steven & Ah Teck? I partner u.’

(note: almost all the people in my club don’t know my name, so everyone calls me Ah boy because I’m the youngest regular there)

I had just lost to Ah Siew in an earlier game 21-16, & it was far from my effort; My partner pretty much controlled the game, & I think he wasn’t too happy with my performance. So when Ah Siew asked me to partner him, & play against Steven Oh, the ex-national player-cum-my-mentor, I was really excited & said ‘YES!’ immediately.

It isn’t everyday that I get to play against top players in the club, & when I do, they usually don’t play seriously enough because they thought we won’t be much of an opponent to them. Different story when Ah Siew is on my side, because he’s one of the top players in the club, & the definite first or 2nd doubles on the team list. He usually partners Steven or Timothy, another ex-national player in the team. When he on my side, it’s pretty much guaranteed that the opponents will play up to their max ability in order to beat him.

I was really psyched up & as we waited for the courts to clear, Ah Siew pulled me outside to discuss the strategy to be used later. He asked me for my plan, & I told him that Ah Teck would be the weakest link among us because he doesn’t have any special shots at all. His face suddenly lit up, ‘That’s all I need to hear. I think we have exactly the same game plan.’ He told me to calm down as I was visibly nervous, but the truth is I can’t wait to put a few hard smashes onto Ah Teck for his cockiness throughout the time I was at the club.

A little sidetracking here. Ah Teck is the unofficial team captain, who manages the logistical sides of the club, ie booking courts, buying shuttles, as well as arranging friendlies with other teams. He’s ok as a player, but he is the Mr-I-think-I’m-so-darn-good in the club (a bit like that bulky guy from MUBC. Peeps from the club should know who I’m talking about..). Anyway, he always looked down on my partner (who was my senior back in my Indonesian club (I know, what a small world!!)) & I, & whenever we got down on court, he would make a bet with other people that we were going to lose the match. It is true that we are off to a bad start, as we lost a string of matches in a row, but our results finally picked up and we won against a few good pairs. Nevertheless, I still couldn’t take the insult of getting criticized by someone whom I regard as a few levels below my standard. I mean, getting comments from Steven about my mistakes in a game would be normal, because I knew he really wanted me to improve my game, but from someone who can’t even play? What’s the world coming to??

& so the stage is set. We did our warm up hits and were ready to start the game. I had my eyes fixed on Ah Teck all the time, trying to be alert and put a few shots onto his head =) Ah Siew served to Steven, and he lifted the shuttle all the way to the back court. I moved quickly to get into position for a smash, ‘WHAM!’ The shuttle landed 2 inches away from my feet, & everyone watching was saying ‘what the hell is he doing?’
Ah Siew smiled reassuringly ‘don’t worry about it, just try to play your normal game’.

It was service over, and I was the receiving party. I took the shot so late that it was impossible for Ah Siew to retrieve the smash from Steven, & I apologized to him for the bad play. Still no reaction from him. He only smiled and said, ‘Believe in yourself, like how I believe in you’.

The next ten points were lost mainly on my mistakes, because I was shaking all over and kept missing easy shots that should have been won. Ah Siew on his part managed to cover for me pretty well, and got the points for our side. I was serving well at this stage, but to say that my general play was bad would be an understatement. I needed time to calm myself down, & I remembered what Ah Siew told me during the discussion earlier, ‘If you needed time during the game to adjust yourself, don’t hesitate to get out of court & get a drink’. I did. I was looking for signs of discontent from Ah Siew all those time, but there was none. Instead, he spurred me on further. ‘I’ve seen you play plenty of times before, & when you weren’t under pressure you were much better than this. Show me that you can do it!’

I nodded and got back into the court. The next point was the one that turned the game around in our favour. There was a long rally for that point, & up to a certain stage nobody was giving anything away. I was starting to get my rhythm back and could take whatever they threw at me. Ah Siew tried to move in for one net shot but was caught out by the surprise drive from Steven, & he only managed to return it weakly. Sensing danger, I came back to cover for him, & Steven angled a drive at my body. I didn’t know how I did it, but I managed to counter-drive it back with my backhand to an empty spot, & when it landed, the massive pressure was lifted off my back. The audience clapped, & Ah Siew looked over to me & said, ‘I always knew you can do this’.

The opposition kept on their attacks on me, which was an obvious choice because Ah Siew was the better player. However, once I got my rhythm back, I kept on hitting winner after winner, & we were playing on even field. Ah Siew grinned & said, ‘Look at the worried look on their face. They were much more confident than this when the game started, weren’t they? That look is already worth it even if we lose this game later, so just play to your max ability, & don’t worry about the rest’.

How long has it been since I heard that sentence? ‘It doesn’t matter if we lose the game, as long as we play to the max ability’. That really lifted any lingering doubts off me. Soon after that, we won the game 21-16.

This was really an important game for me, because it reignited my passion for the sport, as well as boosting my depleted self-confidence. Since young, I was aware that I had some talent for the game, & many people confirmed that, but these same people also told me that I’m not good enough to make it into any teams I was ever in, because I was inconsistent. They always told me, ‘we won’t be taking you with us’. These rejections were really hard to accept when I saw that the people in the teams weren’t exactly more talented than me, & yet I had to sit out everytime. My partners in the past didn’t really believe in my ability as well, & they would think, ‘come on, don’t drag me down with your lousy performance’. Ah Siew was the first one to really believe in me, & even when I was stuffing up so much at the beginning, he kept his cool and calmed me down. When it all ended, he told me, ‘Isn’t this what I told you from the start? Believe in yourself, like how I believe in your ability.’

Ah Siew, I know that you may never ever encounter this blog in your whole life, but let me say my sincerest thank you for your belief, & never giving up on me when I was dragging you down. Because of that, I won’t be afraid to take on better players as well, because what matters most is to play to your max ability, & have no regrets at the end of the match about what you should have done.

Two very contrasting days, don’t you think? I had one of the best experiences in my life today, to make up for the crappy one yesterday. Did I also mention that my idols Tony Gunawan & Candra Wijaya won the Korean Open, with virtually no training at all?? Hopefully they will go on & win the HK Open as well, because they are simply the living legends of the Badminton world right now!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

A REALLY BAD DAY...

Dear Blog,

I'm thisclose to exploding..... But not just yet...

It's frustrating, heartwrenching (& whatever other crap adjectives u can put in here) to see the fruit of your work get taken away. It's true that I've only worked on it for less than 2 weeks, but the excitement that it brought was so immense that I even dreamt abt it at night! & that Amrik A**hole had to take it all away, in a SINGLE phone call!

Again, it's not the $$ value that had me hooked up on this. It's the challenge of getting a big deal that got me so motivated, coz this would have been easily the biggest deal I worked on in my short career. I could have reached my 'aim' so much faster with this project going, but I guess He wanted to keep my ambition in check, & pulled the plugs off my speed booster this time...

I swear I was really gonna burst a vein in my brain when I was on the phone with that A**hole, coz it was so hard to convince him that his logic sucks! He has a point to certain extent, but he has the reasoning of a 5 year old, that is, not being able to adapt to the situation. I could have *oops* shot him accidentally ala Dick Cheney, but I wasn't going to coz it's not worth getting angry over this case.

& yeah, all the hypes in the past 2 weeks for nothing, BUT, I know He will help me to find a way through, & get MUCH BIGGER & BETTER DEALS IN THE NEAR FUTURE! Hundreds of companies will be lining up to sell me their stuffs, & I WON'T EVEN BOTHER TO LOOK AT YOURS ANYMORE! Afterall, I started with nothing, & is still much better off than when I first started... & to think that it all happened in less than 1/2 year makes me realize that He has indeed helped me a lot to achieve my full potential. Can't wait to see what He has in store for me for the next 1/2 year!

Did I also mention that I failed my last insurance paper by 1 mark?? Surely it can't get any worse than this, can it?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Latest jap innovation: blink & you'll miss it!!

This is the latest japanese innovation, specially designed for males (& maybe some of our more testoreronised female counterparts too.. =) Why wasn't it invented earlier so that I could have so much MORE free time during UNI???

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Perpisahan...

I went to the airport for the umpteenth time tonight, but this time it's different from the others:
I came back home, instead of walking down the long path towards the departure hall myself.

Perpisahan. That's the indo term for separation. It means exactly the same in some sense, but yet it carries a much deeper, more subtle meaning than its english equivalent. It portrays the general atmosphere of immense sadness, reluctancy to let your loved ones leave, as well as the unability to control it from happening at the same time.

This is exactly what I'm feeling now, after sending off my cousins who are going back to the US, via South Korea. After being the one who gets sent off everytime, and strolling, sometimes pacing, down the lonely travelator path, it certainly feels somewhat strange this time when I had to send my sister home after the whole thing. I can finally understand how my family members felt when I had to leave for melb again when the summer hols were over. As much as how coy & cool we may act about this (that's the trait of my family), I'm sure that reluctance was the word on every1's mind tonight...

As much as I've anticipated this 3 mths ago, coming back to an empty apartment certainly doesn't feel good at all... Hopefully time will erode away this feeling of loneliness that I've not felt for some time now, while the memories of the quality time that we spent still remains fresh on my mind and accompanies me during the darker hours ahead...

Monday, August 21, 2006

Adrenalin rush!

It's 6.45 am, & here I am, eyes wide awake, full of anticipation of the long day ahead...

For this might be the day I get much, much closer to my 'aim'... & I can't get to sleep given that there is such a huge opportunity presented, on a plate, right in front of me! I keep on saying to myself, 'isn't there anything else I can do to make this work faster??'

Bad, bad thoughts for an insomniac, but once this is done, I guess I will be able to sleep easy from now on... Or will I? I think I'm on an alert mode 24hrs a day now because my livelihood depends on it... Well, not so much of a livelihood actually. It's just the prospect of clinching something I've set out to achieve since I was 15 much earlier than predicted, that keeps me wondering, ' is there much more to come in the future, since I'll be more than halfway through my aim once this is settled?'

Thank God again for putting me in the right place, at the right time =) I always seem to be blessed by His Grace, & I won't dissappoint Him... I'll do whatever I can to make use of the chances in front of me!

P.S: Thanks to the peeps who commented on the previous post. It's just my typical rambling when I'm super duper lonely back here.. Guess I could solve that by getting a life, huh =)?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Contemplation...

What is happiness supposed to be?

I'm closer than ever to my 'aim', but yet it doesn't make me feel 'fulfilled'...

& I've just realised that I've again made the wrong 'investment' in some people. These are the ones that I'll think of to share my joy & woe, but yet it seems like my sentiments are not exactly shared by them, to say the least...

It's happened once too many times, & I've lost the confidence to bet big on the next one (if there is any to come..)

Must I then stick to the tried & tested way of 'diversifying my portfolio'? Or should I just save the trouble & concentrate on my 'aim' instead?

Guess there won't be any answers to any of these...

& it seems like my return won't be very much welcomed anyway too...

I need a new light to shine on my path soon...

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Congrats to Cindy & Jel! Happy Graduation!

As my cousin puts it, ' playing time is over. It's out to the real world now' =)

Now you girls belong to the same group as me, officially unemployed! (Well, at least for Cindy anyway.. Jel left the 'circle of faith' long time ago when she decided to 'stay down under'...)

Friday, August 04, 2006

Recent Indo + SG update

I was at my hometown 3 days ago to give some financial advice to a family friend. I had to highlight the key points of the policies to them but I didn’t have any, so I went out to look for it. I started going around asking whether they sell highlighters, & all of them just went blank! Apparently NOT even one of the stationery shops carry this so commonly used item overseas, & I started thinking whether this place is really so outdated. After a while, I figured that they might not know what a highlighter is, coz it’s English. So I went about describing what it does. It goes like ‘err, you know, the one that makes words look shiny shiny, & it comes in various colours?’

After about ½ dozen shops, I finally gave up & started looking for the item myself. Finally found some on display in some of the shops, after trying fruitlessly to describe it to the store assistant first, then the boss. He was like ‘oh, you were looking for a stabilo?’

Can’t believe how poor my indo has gotten… hai… I mean, I don’t even remember what a highlighter is in Indo! *sigh* It’s not limited to this of course. Many times I can’t carry on conversations because I don’t know how to say the next line in indo. It’d always be in English & I have to translate it back from there. Now I regret not learning it properly & not using it more when I was at indo or sg, when I still had many indo friends. Oh well, there’s nothing I can do about it now, except to do a lil’ more practice.

Brought Sherise to my baddie place on thurs nite. I think she had quite a good workout there coz the standard there is pretty high. She’s still pretty good herself given that she hasn’t hit a shuttle for ½ year! Tried to play mixed doubles with her again, but it was pretty hard coz I wasn’t fit enough to cover for her, & she definitely lacked practice. We decided to enter some easy competitions here to *ka-ching* earn some keeps! On top of that, I’ll be partnering my senior for doubles competitions too! Certainly miss the competition times in melb, when all of us would get supercharged up, & I hope this can replace ‘em.

Saw an advertisement for Cadbury choc on TV late one night. At the end one of the girls said, ‘she’s the best, but this choc is even better! Hahahahaha…..’ I’m not sure whether peeps overseas would understand this, coz I think this is so, so SG! It’s something some secondary schoolers would say, & I’ve heard that plenty, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t make much sense to those that hasn’t lived in sg before, or would it? Anyway, this is just some random stuff that doesn’t make much sense. Just had the urge to put it here =)

More updates to come soon after I finish dealing with my customers =(