Unusual newspaper ads

Was reading thru' The New Paper yesterday and found some funny ads:

- Illiterate? Write today for help.

- Logical if the shop is just next door -->
Used Cars? Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

- Next time you want to buy a pet for your kid, think twice -->
Dogs for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.

- This 1 sounds like an ad from Taiwan or China:
Dinners special - turkey $2.35; chicken or beef $2.25; children $2

- Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast (duh??)

- Passion for the new job?
Tired of working for $9.75/hr? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7-$9/hr.

- Wrong use of cheap labour in 3rd world countries? -->
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.