Nonsensical Rambling
First day of the month, & I'm back to my old routine: getting insomnia, as I so often had in the past. It hasn't happened for the last 2 weeks when I was back @ indo, becoming a live-in security guard for my bro's new house while he was away on his honeymoon to Taiwan & Korea.
No internet @ home, so I'd normally sleep early after watching late night chinese drama serial on TV. Ok I think that sounds weird. How can I possibly be tucking in early when I'm watching late night drama u ask? Well, it's shown at 12 am and ends at 1, and for me anything earlier than 2 am is considered early. Basically I'm down to the most basic stuff when I'm back @ indo, with no internet at home, & that means I won't be keeping one of the browser pages on my gmail account to see if there are updates even at night (as my customers are all on different time zones), & I won't be logging in to facebook to play Texas Hold 'Em when I'm bored. Admittedly, the nearest & the only place I could get internet connection, 1 that I know of anyway, is in my uncle's hotel (where my big bro serves as GM), which is 5 mins drive away. Yeah I know you must be thinking I'm a spoiled brat, blah blah blah, but whenever I'm at indo many times I just feel like hiding at home & just chillin', although there's really nothing to do. Bro isn't really a tech buff, so he doesn't have any gadgets that are of interest to me @ home, save the PS2 in the living room. I really think that it's the only connection between us, & when we're at home together we'll just sit & play Winning Eleven (soccer game, in case someone doesn't know) late into the night. Nothing complicated, just bonding at the very basic level since we live in pretty different world now, both work & life wise.
Yeah so there lies the dilemma in life. I don't know if anyone else has this thought on the option of living a simple life or aiming for the high-achiever, which comes with lots of stress and fun at the same time. Attending parties, socializing, etc etc. The whole package. I have always been nervous when meeting new people and takes me some time to warm up to 'em, & I don't like that feeling. That's why sometimes I'd shun social events if I knew there would be nobody I can connect to on a personal level there. That's part & parcel of the high-achiever life though, and I'm struggling to adjust to this requirement.
I'm still nowhere near the high achiever status of course, but I guess maybe it's not meant for me, & by this I mean the lifestyle. Sometimes I do feel that I need to have a group that I can hang out with, but I can't seem to find those people. It seems there are really little people of my age that holds the same interest and have the same thoughts. I really like Chinese history as it has a really rich culture from different dynasties & it can teach me valuable lessons through the chinese proverbs, but at the same time I'm also really interested in business related stuff, whether it is to do with finance, entrepreneurship or economics.
Basically my days are filled with work & the rest of the time I'm brushing up on my interest topics. The funny thing is that when I'm at indo, I tend to slow down my pace and I can even go a week without reading newspaper! That's so unlike me at all! I guess people need to slow down somewhat and not go full throttle each day, just like what I'm doing, though many people think that I'm actually leading a very relaxed life, even during my working days, so I have no reason to complain!
Hmm I think I'm really sidetracking too much from the main topic. Happens a lot when I'm tired but still unable to sleep. Mind's unclear & functioning at less than 20%, but it just won't shut down. Oh yeah just remember this happens a lot too during exam time, when I have only rested for a few winks before morning exams and gulped down 2 bottles of chicken essence to keep myself awake. That really worked for me; well at least I still have 20% of the brain functioning in the exam room!
1.30 am now. Gonna try counting sheeps/stars/etc now. At least I'll be asleep when I reach a thousand+ lambs an hour later =)
No internet @ home, so I'd normally sleep early after watching late night chinese drama serial on TV. Ok I think that sounds weird. How can I possibly be tucking in early when I'm watching late night drama u ask? Well, it's shown at 12 am and ends at 1, and for me anything earlier than 2 am is considered early. Basically I'm down to the most basic stuff when I'm back @ indo, with no internet at home, & that means I won't be keeping one of the browser pages on my gmail account to see if there are updates even at night (as my customers are all on different time zones), & I won't be logging in to facebook to play Texas Hold 'Em when I'm bored. Admittedly, the nearest & the only place I could get internet connection, 1 that I know of anyway, is in my uncle's hotel (where my big bro serves as GM), which is 5 mins drive away. Yeah I know you must be thinking I'm a spoiled brat, blah blah blah, but whenever I'm at indo many times I just feel like hiding at home & just chillin', although there's really nothing to do. Bro isn't really a tech buff, so he doesn't have any gadgets that are of interest to me @ home, save the PS2 in the living room. I really think that it's the only connection between us, & when we're at home together we'll just sit & play Winning Eleven (soccer game, in case someone doesn't know) late into the night. Nothing complicated, just bonding at the very basic level since we live in pretty different world now, both work & life wise.
Yeah so there lies the dilemma in life. I don't know if anyone else has this thought on the option of living a simple life or aiming for the high-achiever, which comes with lots of stress and fun at the same time. Attending parties, socializing, etc etc. The whole package. I have always been nervous when meeting new people and takes me some time to warm up to 'em, & I don't like that feeling. That's why sometimes I'd shun social events if I knew there would be nobody I can connect to on a personal level there. That's part & parcel of the high-achiever life though, and I'm struggling to adjust to this requirement.
I'm still nowhere near the high achiever status of course, but I guess maybe it's not meant for me, & by this I mean the lifestyle. Sometimes I do feel that I need to have a group that I can hang out with, but I can't seem to find those people. It seems there are really little people of my age that holds the same interest and have the same thoughts. I really like Chinese history as it has a really rich culture from different dynasties & it can teach me valuable lessons through the chinese proverbs, but at the same time I'm also really interested in business related stuff, whether it is to do with finance, entrepreneurship or economics.
Basically my days are filled with work & the rest of the time I'm brushing up on my interest topics. The funny thing is that when I'm at indo, I tend to slow down my pace and I can even go a week without reading newspaper! That's so unlike me at all! I guess people need to slow down somewhat and not go full throttle each day, just like what I'm doing, though many people think that I'm actually leading a very relaxed life, even during my working days, so I have no reason to complain!
Hmm I think I'm really sidetracking too much from the main topic. Happens a lot when I'm tired but still unable to sleep. Mind's unclear & functioning at less than 20%, but it just won't shut down. Oh yeah just remember this happens a lot too during exam time, when I have only rested for a few winks before morning exams and gulped down 2 bottles of chicken essence to keep myself awake. That really worked for me; well at least I still have 20% of the brain functioning in the exam room!
1.30 am now. Gonna try counting sheeps/stars/etc now. At least I'll be asleep when I reach a thousand+ lambs an hour later =)
posted by leonhart @ 3:26 AM
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