Inner Voice Of A Trapped sOuL

My 2c-worth of things happenin' ard the world and me...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Reason - Hoobastank

The Reason - Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found out a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Friday, January 27, 2006

Oz Open highlights!

In between typing off emails to customers & apply for jobs, I have been watching a lot of Oz Open tennis recently & man, I have to say I’m very impressed with the quality of the matches. There is Santoro’s backspin net shot (listed below as my top 10 fav moments for this tournament), Hingis’s amazing array of techniques (even though she was overpowered, literally, by Clijsters in the quarters), Baghdatis’s giant killing spree (again featuring in my top 10), and finally to top it all, Federer’s unsurpassed forehand and passing shots.

I remember watching Federer play on TV at the Roland Garros and Wimbledon last year, and the first thing that struck me was how calm he was when he’s under pressure. Having a killer forehand obviously helps his cause to become world no. 1, but I’m sure he won’t be in that position if he doesn’t have that excellent composure.

This has proven to be crucial for him in the Oz Open this year. He wasn’t in his best form in the fourth round against Haas, winning the 1st 2 sets before losing concentration & subsequently losing the next two. He kept his composure in the 5th set and finally beat Haas 6-2. Same story again against Davydenko in the quarters, when he looked far off his best and was dragged through several set points before winning on tie breaks for 2 sets. This not only showed his immense desire to win, but also his coolness when his opponents were on a roll against him.

He isn’t no. 1 for nothing I guess, and even when he was playing at several levels below his best, he could still hold his ground against the world’s best. Well, now that he’s back to his best against Kiefer in the semis, it will be very interesting to watch him play the dream final against Baghdatis on Sunday, who has come through by beating many seeded players. This is probably the 1st time in the whole tournament I’m indecisive about who to back for the match, mainly because Baghdatis is a fighter in his own right (the honour of beating Nalbandian from 2 sets down is not something a lot of people can claim..). This man will definitely rise up the ranks this year because he has the character and the skill to become the top 10 player in the world. & yeah, he has his SUPER DUPER HOT FRENCH GIRLFIREND to support him too!!

Everyone please remember to tune in & watch this exciting match on Sunday 7.30 p.m. on Channel 7!!!

Top 10 Favourite Australia Open moments

10) Watching Justin Henin-Hardenne wallop her male hitting partner at the practice court (live!)

9) Watching a Russian babe (potentially the next Sharapova) hitting with her coach at the practice court (also live!)

8) Roger Federer hitting a backhand down-the-line winner Vs Max Mirnyi when he had his racket sticking closely to his thigh.

7) Realizing not all the female Russian players are hot when we watched a live doubles match @ the smaller courts which featured 4 Russians (of which none were pretty…)

6) Fabrice Santoro producing a super-spin drop shot VS David Nalbandian. The shot went over to Nalbadian’s side before spinning back to Santoro’s when Nalbandian was running forward to hit it

5) Sam Stosur’s amazing run to the 4th round (in which she was defeated by my favourite female player, Hingis!)

4) Discovering Sharapova is ambidextrous (she used to play using left hand during junior years, & she switched hands quite often when being lobbed by her opponents. Also managed to lob over Hardenne with left hand when being placed under extreme pressure)

3) Marcos Baghdatis’s surprise, but well-deserved, run to the final, beating Roddick (2nd seed), Ljubicic (7th seed) and Nalbandian (4th seed) on the way!!!

2) Martina Hingis’s glorious comeback, reaching quarterfinal after 3 years out of the WTA circuit (& beating the only surviving local (Sam Stosur) on the way!!)

AND FINALLY…… *drumroll*

1) Dream final between the 2 most popular players in the Oz Open: Federer (Fed-Ex) VS Baghdatis!!!

Difference between Wo/&Men

1. NAMES:

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT:

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw ina $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS:

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS:

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS:

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to go 4 shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. FINAL THOUGHT:

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Summer Scribe (Part I)

The First Time You Smiled (at me)

Your first smile,
Made me feel like I had just sprinted for a mile,
Heart started pounding,
And sweat unconsciously streaming.

Whenever your image appears from my memory,
I would instantly forget everything that makes me weary,
Looking deep into your emeraldy eyes,
Always clear away any pictures of pretentious disguise.

Your radiance, energy and friendliness,
Had made me realize my life was once laced with stodginess,
I’ve since seen, through your eyes, another new life dimension,
& I’m slowly inching towards that direction.

If only I had the courage to take more initiative,
My feelings would now not be held captive,
If only I had the guts to at least try,
I would not be sitting here listening to my heart’s silent cry.

Different frequencies?

It's another day of learning for me: that I know very different stuff from the people of my age. I've sort of known in the past that I have very different interest from other people (such as reading business magazines, history and wars, etc etc) but today it has hit me harder than usual.

We were playing a game called Taboo, in which we have to describe to our partner a word without using the forbidden words written on the card. For example, if the word to be described is Mars, the forbidden words would be Planet, Chocolate, Solar system, etc etc, so it's up to the the one describing it to come up with creative ways for the other person to guess. Everyone else seems to be understanding each other well... until it comes to my turn. I'd normally have no problems when someone describes to me a famous person or war in the history (e.g. Napoleon Bonaparte, Boris Yeltsin, etc) and countries with funny names (Bosnia-hertzogovania), but when it comes to the simple stuff like guessing the word 'fix' and 'kylie minogue' (Derrick was humming her song to me but I just couldn't remember her name!!!), I always stumbled and lost the game. Derrick made a comment that when playing the game with me it's actually easier for me if we get all the difficult words because I seemed to get them much faster than the easier ones!

Man, drinking all that water when I lost (forfeit) doesnt exactly help in the next round. Gulped more than 2 litres down (again!) tonight and it just made my mind go blank. I'd have understood if anyone have wanted to kill me tonight because I kept on making them lose with me, but luckily they were all quite patient with me, especially Am. I've only met her a week ago but she really warmed up to me very quickly and we could talk about anything under the sun now. Somehow I feel whenever she's around our chatters becomes more lively and we always have so much fun together, laughing at each other's lame jokes, while also sharing things that are currently happening to all of us.

I'm really glad that I've been introduced to this great bunch of friends. Without them, summer would have been like another period like any other in the past 3 years, boring days with nothing to look forward to. This is easily the best summer in my whole life so far, & I wish I will never walk out of it...

Friday, January 20, 2006

Success defined

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Thoughts after graduation

‘If you think education is expensive, wait till you see the cost of ignorance’
Rob Brown, Professor of Finance, University of Melbourne, keynote speaker for the 2005 graduation ceremony

Now that I'm officially jobless until I start Uni again in July, I've had a lot of time to think about many things. Was reading through my 'Notable quotes' file when I noticed the latest entry above.

Education. It used to be the one thing that sets one person apart from the others. One would almost be guaranteed a job if s/he had a degree from a prestigious university (or for that matter, any university) just 20-30 years ago. Fast forward to the modern time. Almost ALL the people on the street own a degree, and you would be the odd one out if you don’t have one. The prestige of the university, from which your degree is issued, has therefore become the all important tool to get you the first job (for which you have to go through countless interviews, if you are one of the average students).

Graduates are being produced by the truckloads these days, and before you fight with students from other universities, you first have to get in front of those of your own cohort within the campus. ‘What is it that sets you apart from the rest?’, that’s the question that is often asked. I have found my own answer to this, but for those who hasn’t (which is what I experienced at first), the question can be rephrased into a statement that is equally discouraging, ‘You are unique, just like everyone else’.

That’s right. Every of us have unique talents that has set us on our own evolution journey. Perhaps no one will ever develop the same set of skills. If skills can be classified into codes, everyone will have some common ones and some very different ones. For example, A and B goes through the same education system since they were young, and for that they get the same skill set I code as UOM. However, A is a very sociable person and has excellent negotiations skills, which I would code here as Y. B, in comparison, is a quiet but very creative person, a skill I would code as Z.

My point here is, people will have different sets of skills, depending on what they have seen and done in the past, and for the people who can’t seem to find jobs, it is just a matter of not being able to correctly applying their skills in their chosen field, or in simpler term, not knowing how to sell themselves. It sucks to imagine that after studying in a top university for years, someone would end up without a job while being laden by tens of thousands of dollars worth of study loans.

I have often questioned myself whether it is really worth it to spend my parents’ money on something that doesn’t produce absolute return. After all, my dad could have invested the money in something else and get a higher return out of it than letting me study overseas for almost 10 years now. In fact, we could have lived comfortably back in Indonesia without ever needing to work again if we hadn’t stepped out of it back then. So why did he opt to send me out 10 years ago?

Knowing my dad, one of the main reasons he sent me out was because he wanted us to lead our lives outside and never to return to Indonesia again. Indo wasn’t what it used to be 20 years ago, a land of opportunity with money to be made everywhere (though the perilous conditions had existed since then). Right now, it is a land still fraught with danger, but unlike in the past when people could make serious money (Risk-return tradeoff), there is very little chance for entrepreneurs to make their ways up that easily anymore. Hence, there is no reason why the next generation should live our lives in fear (in Indo) anymore.

& packed our bags we did. Since then, I have stopped many times to wonder, what would I have turned out to be if I hadn’t left Indo back then? We might be a little richer than what we are now, but I wouldn’t be sure to say that our lives have improved. Money is a measure of happiness for some people, but what happiness is there when you have to spend your money in fear? Furthermore, I have learnt so much outside on my own than when I was staying with my parents in Indo, something that can’t be really measured with money.

All the unquantifiable stuff, you say? Where else can you get all the valuable business contacts if you don’t go through school? I think I’ve made more friends that might potentially be my future business contacts in these 10 years then what my dad has managed throughout his whole career! I’ve also managed to start doing some business on my own, which is already helping to cover for my expenses now. By the end of this year, I should be able to be financially independent, even if I’m not able to find a job yet.

Last December marked an important occasion for me as well as my close extended families: I’m officially the first university graduate in our entire history. Some of my cousins are now in the US, and one of them, the oldest in our generation, will be graduating this June. My own degree represents a more important landmark to our family than to myself: the shift from the old thinking of minimum education and start business early, to the focus on higher education. I certainly hope that my younger cousins can follow our footsteps and stride down the path of further education in the future.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Summer hols highlights in Pics!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Joke of the day (10 Jan, 2006)

F***'s Force Five

One day, Daddy Tomato, Mommy Tomato, and Kid Tomato were walking down the street. Kid Tomato was lagging behind as usual. Daddy Tomato got frustrated, walked back to the Kid Tomato, and grabbed him:

'Ketchup'

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Insecure, or just being more private??

Haven't been blogging for a while now. Considering that I've almost always spent the night out for the past 3 weeks (& consequently sleeping on the couch at a friend's place) or returning at obscene hours in the morning (the record is 7 a.m. in the morning!), there is not really much time that I can dedicate to myself. I finally have some time off today because one of our regular 'gang' members has to go out to have dinner with her friends. It's not until this moment that I feel that private time are important too to keep yourself sane....

Back to the pt. We were having a late night conversation about relationships at a fren's place and one of the girls in the group suddenly asked me about my ex-gfs. The first question was how many gfs have I had in the past. I took some time to recall all of them and before I could answer they had moved on to ask another person. The same girl then came back and asked me whether I've finished counting. Now, considering that this wasn't that hard a question, I wondered myself why did I take so long to even consider it. I realise that I'm a more private person than everyone in the group, mainly because I've just recently joined them and as my cousins put it, 'have not adjusted to their frequencies yet'. It also doesn't help that the girl who asked the question was the one I'm interested in going after, which therefore means I have to put in a lot more thoughts before answering. However, I think the main reason to my hesistance was because I was feeling insecure: would they still be friends with me, and would that jeopardise my chance of going after that girl, if I reveal my somewhat dark history?

Insecurity. This is one of the worst feelings to have when you are dealing with people within a group. It feels like you have committed a heinous crime and there is no way that you could get it past yourself. That's right. The worst feeling sets in when you are deceiving yourself, not others. All of us have lied about ourselves before, mainly because you want to look 'cool' and get your friends' acceptance. We've also told lies to get us past the difficult situations because it is always so much easier to do that rather than telling the truth. However, guilt will inevitably set in. It's just a matter of time, & when that happens, it will give someone much more pain than the initial elation they get from the lies.

I have told many lies in my lifetime, and slowly they are coming back to haunt me. When you build a lie on top of another, the compound effects gets so scary that sometimes you don't now what you're lying for, and who are you lying to anymore. It's a bit like the book 'The talented Mr Ripley', in which the main character keeps on piling lies on top of one another but got away with it in the end. However, real life is not really like a story book, and there is no 'back' button to press when you wish you had not done something. Therefore, I really think it's time for me to be truthful to myself and stop cloaking my appearance to everyone else. I really don't want to feel insecure about my past anymore and to do that I have to express myself more in front of my friends and stop hiding details that might alienate them. Afterall, if they are really my friends, I believe that they would not mind my past, just as how I've accepted them after hearing their own individual versions of their dark histories...