Deep in the blues.....

This title represents 2 contrasting moments that I've experienced in the past 2-3 weeks, but I'm gonna write about the darker side in this post as it's closer to what I'm feeling right now.

For some pics on my Bangkok trip, on which one of the higlights is the HUGE aquarium at the basement of Siam Paragon, click on the picture below:


A single picture tells a thousand words, so I guess it'll be much more informative than my minimal descriptions if I do end up writing about it here.

WARNING: INCESSANT RANTING & WHINEY SELF-ARGUMENT AHEAD! PLEASE TURN BACK IF YOU ARE NOT READY!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

All right it's not exactly that bad. Just one of the days when I have nothing planned, so I got out and settled some admin stuff ahead of the work week (depositing cheques, posting letters & documents, etc). It took less than an hour, & I was contemplating what I could do with the few hours till I had to go back. Thought of catching a movie, but decided against it when I realised my mind was in a mess and I just wanted peaceful, soothing moments.

While I was walking around aimlessly, with Ipod earphones firmly plugged on to my ears, I contemplated the meaning of life once more. & I tell you, Ipod has got this innate capability of sensing one's mood, playing all the 60s & 70s music that I hardly knew that they existed. Brought out the melancholic feeling which made the atmosphere even bleaker.

& I was pretty much thisclose to the border of sanity. It wasn't the first time I had too much free time to have my mind wandering off everywhere, so I already knew how to pull the plug when it got too serious for my liking. When that happens, I can just snap myself out of it by observing intensely on something nearby, therefore giving the brain something to focus on instead of letting it roam everywhere.

What exactly is the point of being able to control my own mind, when I consciously give it the chance to rest, and therefore allowing to leave carefree, you ask? For one, I find it invigorating as it unearths and gives me new ideas that I've never thought of. Brain is part of a person all right, but so much of it is being locked away as a treasure trove of information that we're definitely not fully utilising it. When I go into 'trance' mode, albeit still fully aware of the whole process, I find that the mind actually unlocks those data and puts it into the conscious part of the brain, making it available for use.

I asked myself, would life be easier if I didn't try to control it as much, and to let it go with the flow? People around me appear to be comfortable with what they have, & that's definitely something that I haven't achieved yet. Judging by reports on the newspaper on the top income range of different jobs, I should be quite comfortable with what I'm getting currently, but again I have no idea why I'm always striving to get more, to the point that I get fed up when I can't get some ideas working for me. If I'm not comfortable with myself, then I believe other ppl wouldn't be either. Having said that, knowing the problem is 1 thing, but solving it seems to be an entirely different matter altogether *sigh*

Is it the environment that I'm in that makes it hard to appreciate my own & other people's achievement? Should I seek to remain among the elite, or should I be comfortable & live a happier life instead? Why can't it return to what it used to be, when financial achievements don't matter and life's simpler?